The Lightning Mistake! a PJO soap opera movie
by Gray-Eyed Charlatan
Summary: SEQUEL TO Don't Leave Me, Annabeth! a PJO soap opera story. BASED ON HOW IDIOTIC AND DISAPPOINTING THE MOVIE WILL BE. ENJOY!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, everyone! Welcome to a new and exciting season of Don't Leave Me, Annabeth! a PJO soap opera story! This season, we have a new name: The Lightning Mistake! a PJO soap opera movie! It's based on what the new movie's going to be like! Awful but totally hilarious in its stupidity! But let's hope that the movie desn't end up like this...**

Before we start, we HAVE to have the opening credits, right?

(Harry Potter music starts playing in the background)

Random voice- WILSON! Wrong track!

Other random voice- Sorry, Lord Columbus!

(Track switches to "Low" by Flo Rida)

Random voice, who we now recognize to be Chris Columbus (the director)- This is a children's movie, Wilson, you idiot! Find the right music already!

Other random voice, who is also known as "Wilson"- Sorry, your majesty!

(Track switches to Harry Potter music with a little twist)

Chris Columbus- Much better, Wilson. But you're still fired.

New random voice- You know we're filming this, right? The audience can probably hear you.

(Movie camera stops showing blackness and sets on an ugly short man in a director's chair with a crown on)

Little ugly man, AKA Chris Columbus- YOU IMBECILES! FILM THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING ALREADY! We are _so_ cutting this out.

Confused audience- What the Tartarus is up with this movie? We're only a few minutes in and I already want to leave...

(Camera settles on the Empire State Building)

Voice, who audience members who actually read the book deduce is Zeus- WHERE IS MY LIGHTNING BOLT?

Pathetic little servant voice- I don't know!

Voice of Zeus- Find it!! Or else!

Pathetic little servant voice- But I'm Ares, God of war!

Audience- (Shocked) What the frick is up with this catastrophe?

Ares- I shouldn't have to find lightning! I should be causing war!

Zeus- FIND IT!!!!

(Camera cuts into 15-year-old boy who is kicking a tin can on a street. A limping African American is with him)

15-year-old "Percy"- Grover, this stinks! I just got kicked out of school! Again!

African American satyr-boy Grover- Yeah, groovy man.

Percy- I feel like... like... crying! Waaaaaaaaaaa!

Grover- Hold up your un-groovy whining, your creepy teacher, MRS. ANAFLAMALLAMA is across the street!

Percy- Oh no! Mrs. Anaflamallama, who is totally supposed to be Mrs. Dodds!

Audience- They changed her name? To Anaflamallama? (pronounced An-a-flam-a-llama)

Grover- That wasn't in the script that Rick Riordan wrote!

Percy- Or anyone, for that matter. Oh no! I really need my Latin teacher, MR. COO-KA-SHLOOMA!

(Man in wheelchair enters)

Percy- Mr. Coo-ka-shlooma! Mrs. Anaflamallama is across the street and she's giving me the evil eye!

Mrs. Anaflamallama- (cackling like a witch) Too bad you don't have your magical penCIL, Tiderip!

Audience- Isn't it Riptide? And is Mr. Coo-ka-shlooma Mr. Brunner?

Mr. Coo-ka-shlooma- Catch, Theseus! (throws a pencil at Percy.)

(Pencil hits Percy in the head)

Percy- OW! WAAAAAAA! Wait, how did you know my real name is Theseus?

Grover- I thought it was Perseus.

Percy- Ha! How does Percy sound like Perseus? Percy sounds waaaaaaaaay more like Theseus.

Mr. Coo-ka-shlooma- Break the pencil, Theseus! It will turn into a sword! Kill Mrs. Anaflamallama with it!

Percy- You got it, Chiron! I mean, Mr. Coo-ka-shlooma!

(Percy follows orders)

(Mrs. Anaflamallama explodes into purple mist)

Grover- You know what, groovy Perce?

Percy- What, buddy?

Grover- I am a satyr.

Percy- COOL! Can I be one too?

Grover- Sorry, man. No.

Mr. Coo-ka-shlooma- I have something to tell you also, Theseus. I am going to do what they do in a lot of movies: eliminate good, important dialog and throw it away so you can learn what I have to tell you as quickly as possible! You, Theseus Jackson, are a-

Percy- Son of an Olympian!

Mr. Coo-ka-shlooma- Yes. And I am-

Percy- Chiron!

Chiron/Coo-ka-shlooma- Yes.

Percy- Now, I assume we need to get to (looks directly at camera and whispers in a secret-spy way) Camp Demigod?

Audience- It's CAMP HALF-BLOOD, YOU IGNORANT FOOLS! READ THE BOOKS ALREADY!

Goat boy- How did you know that, man?

Percy- (shrugs) I read the script.

(Chiron and Grover gasp hugely and take a step back)

Chiron- That is against acting code! You're not supposed to read the script!

Percy- What am I supposed to do? Make up random crap as I go?

Grover- Duh. That's, like, what we've been doing all along. Man.

Percy- Oh. I didn't realize-

Chiron- Uh uh uh! No! Leave my presence, Owl Boy!

Percy- Just because I was in Hoot?

Chiron- LEAVE!

Percy- (walking away, crying) Life sucks! WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(Ugly 23-year-old brunette excuse for Annabeth jumps from a tree, blocking his path)

"Annabeth"- Hello.

Percy- That's it! I'm out of this!

voice of Chris Columbus- No you are not, Logan Lerman! You signed a contract!

Percy- But she's like twice my age! And do you really expect Percabeth fans to be happy? I have to (Shudder) kiss her in Battle of the Labyrinth! CREEPINESS!

voice of Chris Columbus- YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT! And how did you know that?

Percy- (crying) Why (sob) does everyone keep asking me that? I (sob) read the books to (sob) get an background for my (sob) character!

"Annabeth"- Here, Loga- I mean Percy. Cry on my shoulder.

(Percy walks up to "Annabeth", who is noticably taller than him, and starts crying)

"Annabeth- (directly at camera) Is this enough Percabeth, Your Majesty?

voice of Chris Columbus- Yeah. Good, Alexandra, good! That's enough for the entire series!

Percabeth fans in audience- WHAT?

voice of CC- In fact, I was thinking of having him end up with Rachel Elizabeth Dare instead...

Percabeth fans in audience- YOU TRAITOR!

Percahel fans in audience- Yay! Our day has finally come!

voice of CC- Now, where's that mysterious Italian narrator from the series?

Mysterious voice with bad Italian accent- I'm-a still-a here-a!

voice of CC- Good. Because we need a commercial break so I can get my beauty sleep.

Mysterious voice with bad Italian accent- Wait-a! This-a is-a a-a movie-a! There-a are-a no-a commercial-a breaks-a!

voice of CC- There are if I say there are! Now narrate!

Mysterious voice with bad Italian accent- Whatever-a. See-a you-a after-a the-a break-a!

Audience- WHAT? This is a MOVIE!

(Percy's head appears on a hypnosis swirling circle, smiling happily)

**Are any of you out there as disappointed with the picks for the cast (cough Alexandra Daddario cough) as I am? You are? Good, then you'll enjoy this! And yes, I am trying to get everything wrong, thank you very much. It's supposed to be stupid! **

**Can I please request reviews?  
**


	2. Chapter 2

Mysterious voice with bad Italian accent- And-a we're-a back-a with-a The-a Lightning-a Mistake-a, which-a is-a actually-a a-a movie-a!

voice of Wilson- OW! Will you stop throwing rocks at me?

(Camera starts filming His Majesty, Chris Columbus, a tiny, ugly, shriveled man who is pelting rocks at an even more pathetic looking man)

CC- CUT!

(A brief spot of static flashes across the screen with an awful SHPSHPSHP sound)

(The camera focuses again on "Annabeth" and Percy)

"Annabeth"- There, there, Perce. We need to get to Camp Demigod so you can find out your immortal parent and learn ballet.

Percy- Why do I need to learn ballet? That wasn't in the books!

"Annabeth"- (rolling her eyes) Oh, Spinach Brain-

Audience- SEAWEED BRAIN! And she doesn't even know who his dad is yet!

"Annabeth"- You obviously need to learn how to fight the giant Ho-hos-

Percy- I thought this was PG!

"Annabeth"- HO-HOs. You know, like the dessert thing? Well, as I was saying, you need to learn ballet to fight the giant Ho-hos like Mrs. Anaflamallama.

Percy- Wasn't she a Fury?

"Annabeth"- SHUT THE (invalid word) UP, YOU (invalid word) BOOK-READER! SHE'S A GIANT HO-HO BECAUSE I SAID SHE IS! NOW SHUT UP!

Percy- Yeesh, Alexandra. I see old age has made you bitter.

"Annabeth"- Well, duh. You'd be depressed too if you were 23 and were being forced to pretend to be 12. I mean, that's like asking Rob Pattinson to play an 11 year old! Hello, creepy!

Grover- Man, he's totally dreamy.

Percy- WHAT IS UP WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

"Annabeth"- Oh no! A Hydra!

(The trio is on top of a tall mountain, complete with snow. On top of the mountain are two things- a bush and a Hydra that looks like Barney)

Percy- It's supposed to be a Minotaur!

"Annabeth"- Shut up and fight it already!

(Percy gets in a karate stance. Annabeth takes out her lime green bowler hat and turns invisible. Grover gnaws on a sheet of tinfoil)

Percy- Since when is Alexandra Cornelius Fudge?! Hiya!

(A flood of water comes and kills Barney, I mean the Hydra)

Grover- Is it, like, over yet? Man?

"Annabeth" from somewhere near the bush- Come on, (invalid word)s. I need to explain about this here bush before anyone else can. It was once my friend, Luke.

Audience- WTF?!

"Annabeth"- (takes off her lime green bowler hat and becomes visible) Yes. It is Luke, son of Hermes. We were once being chased with my friend Thalia, daughter of Zeus [you'll meet her in a few minutes] by a group of crazy Demeter kids when he tripped and almost fell down this here mountain! (points down to ground far, far below) So, his daddy turned him into a bush. See?

("Annabeth" walks up to the bush and tickles it)

Bush- Tee hee hee! Oh, Alex-beth, you always make me laugh!

Audience- That's it! We are getting out of here!

voice of CC- NO! Don't leave!

(Audience continues to leave)

voice of CC- I COMMAND YOU IN MY AWESOME KING-LY-NESS TO STAY!

(Audience is about to go out the door)

voice of CC- THAT'S IT! YOU ASKED FOR IT!

(Doors bolt shut. Audience is lifted magically to their seats, where they are seatbelted in with locking seatbelts that only His Royal Highness can open)

Audience- EEK! We knew we shouldn't have come!

voice of CC- (evil laughter)

Percy- Well, how do we get in?

"Annabeth"- You have to cartwheel past the border!

Percy- How does that keep out the monsters?

"Annabeth"- Oh, silly. Monsters can't cartwheel!

Percy- Oh. Yeah. That makes sense!

"Annabeth"- For my mother, Athena!

Percy- Whatver. You don't act like a daughter of Athena...

"Annabeth"- Right now, my 23-year-old self is going to pretend that they didn't hear that.

("Annabeth" cartwheels past bush)

Grover- Bottoms up!

(Grover cartwheels past bush)

Percy- WAIT! I've found a problem! I (sob) don't (sob) know (sob) how to cartwheel! WAAAAAA!

"Annabeth"- Just try, Spinach Head!

(Percy jumps past border)

Percy- How did that work? I didn't cartwheel!

"Annabeth"- (laughing) APRIL FOOLS!

Percy- I don't get it.

Grover- You wouldn't. You're not an adult yet!

Percy- Meanie!

(enter Thalia, a blond preppy teenager)

Thalia- (squeal) EEEE! I am so, like, happy to, like, meet you Per-say!

Per-say- Uh... hi. I mean, that's Percy.

Thalia- (squeal) EEEEE! I'm, like, a daughter of Zeus!

Grover- Oh, Thalia! Long time no smell! Er, see!

Thalia- (squeal) EEEEEE! Grov-ey!

(Thalia air-kisses Grover in the snotty, rich person way)

Thalia- (squeal) EEEEEE! It's been too long.

Audience- Oh, Supreme Lord Columbus, can we please leave? We're sick of this nonsense!

voice of CC- NO! Oh mysterious voice with bad Italian accent!

Mysterious voice with bad Italian accent- What-a? Do-a you-a need-a another-a commercial-a?

voice of CC- Yes. Yes I do.

Mysterious voice with bad Italian accent- Okay-a! See-a you-a all-a after-a the-a break-a!

Audience- How long is this going to take?

**A/N: So, I personally like this story. My friends (in my hometown) and I are going to act out this story and film it! Then we're posting it on YouTube! I'll update you all with the updates and such. Adios!**


	3. Chapter 3

Mysterious voice with bad Italian accent- We're-a BAAAAACK-a with-a The-a Lightning-a Mistake-a!

Audience- (reluctantly applauds)

Mysterious voice with bad Italian accent- Should-a I-a tell-a them-a the-a news-a, Overlord-a Columbus-a?

voice of CC- No, I'll tell them.

Mysterious voice with bad Italian accent- But-a I'm-a the-a narrator-a! That's-a what-a you're-a paying-a me-a for-a!

voice of CC- I'm not paying you at all!

Mysterious voice with bad Italian accent- What-a?! You're-a not-a paying-a me-a? I-a quit-a!

voice of CC- YOU CAN'T QUIT UNLESS I TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN QUIT!

(silence)

voice of CC- Hmm, I guess he really did quit. I'll have to find a new narrator...

(Scene fades from blackness to Camp Demigod)

Percy- We never heard the news?

"Annabeth"- Why did you make that a question?

Percy- I felt like it!

"Annabeth"- Oh, Spinach Head, I know the news!

Percy- TELL ME! TELL ME!

"Annabeth"- The first part is this: They're not going to make me pass for 12 anymore! I can be 18!

Percy- But then, your character... is... (long moment of silence) 6 years older... than mine. How is Battle of the Labyrinth going to work?

"Annabeth"- It's not, of course! What are you, stupid?! Because of the new title, "Percy Jackson," it sounds like we're only going to have one movie. And you and I fall in love in this one!

Percy- B-b-but, you're... you're...

"Annabeth"- Spit it out!

Percy- OLD!!!!

Audience- He has a point, you know!

"Annabeth"- So what if I'm old? Half the movie stars wouldn't care! But I'm upset.

Grover- Like, why, man?

"Annabeth"- They might be recasting MY ROLE! I might be forced to be a younger ATHENA!

Audience- (cheers) YAY!

Percy- (trying to hide happiness) YAY! I mean, that's too bad.

"Annabeth"- I know, right? Just because they think I'm too old, those mother (invalid word) potato (invalid word) lampshade (invalid word)s.

voice of CC- See, Alexandra? You're too old to be Annabeth, or even "Annabeth" for that matter! And this movie is rated PG, so stop swearing!

"Annabeth"- But it's all bleeped out-

voice of CC- Do you want to be "Annabeth" or not?

"Annabeth"- Yes. I do.

Percy- Why? Am I really that kissable looking?

Audience- What? Isn't there a script? Oh wait, they don't USE scripts!

"Annabeth"- Well, no, but I want to show off. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not really on the A-list yet.

Percy- I wonder why. (To audience) I really want out of this movie!

Grover- Dude. There's a flashing fish over your head that keeps singing the Spongebob theme song. (Points above Percy's head)

Percy- (looking up) Whoa! This MUST mean I'm a son of Poseidon!

voice of CC- (groans) Oh, you script-readers are always messing things up!

Flashing fish- Ooooooooooh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Percy Jackson! Absorbent and yellow and porous is he! Percy Jackson!

Percy- Did that fish call me yellow?

Flashing fish- Percy Jackson! Percy Jackson! Percy Jackson! Per-ceeeeeee Jack-sooooooooooon!

(Flashing fish disappears)

Percy- WOW! I'm a son of the Ocean Guy!

Grover- Groovy.

"Annabeth"- You're the Chosen One!

voice of CC- Wrong movie, Alexandra!

"Annabeth"- Oops. I mean, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!

voice of CC- Still wrong movie!

"Annabeth"- Oh forget it. You're still the Chosen One!

Percy- I know. I need to defeat Kronos, yadda yadda yadda.

voice of CC- LOGAN! Don't give away spoilers!

Audience- What movie exactly are we watching?

Percy- No wonder the water came when I said Hiya!

(flood of water comes and hits the ground)

Percy- Whoa. I'm a WATERBENDER!

"Annabeth"- No, you're not.

Percy- KASHOOGA!

(A flock of owls flies at "Annabeth")

Percy- COOL! I'm also an OWLBENDER!

"Annabeth"- Oh, I give up!

Percy- I need a quest, to get Zeus's lightning bolt and save owls everywhere! C'mon, guys, let's go to the Underworld! I know that the ghosts stole it!

voice of CC- Ooo. Improv! I like it!

Percy- For my quest, I chose Grover, "Annabeth", and Thalia to go with me.

(Thalia bounces in)

Thalia- (squeal) EEEEE!

Grover- Maybe she'll get captured by monsters on the way.

Percy- One can only hope!

Audience- Okay. We're bored!

voice of CC- Nononononono! Wilson! Drag in the monsters!

(a group of stuffed animals are brought in by Wilson)

Thalia- (squeal) EEEEE! This is, like, not fantabulous! AAAAAAAAAAH!

(Thalia is dragged out by stuffed animals)

Grover- We don't have to hope anymore! Ding dong the witch is dead-

Percy- Which old witch?

Both- The wicked witch! Ding dong the wicked-

"Annabeth"- She's not dead. She's imprisoned in your sword, Tiderip.

Percy- (takes out a pencil) This old thing?

"Annabeth"- Uh... yeah. And only Persephone set her free in the Underworld!

Percy- Whaaaaa?

voice of CC- Yes! Suspense! Oh, new narrator!

(new voice is heard)

Whiny voice with girly accent- This is so, like, unfair.

Percy, "Annabeth", and Grover- THALIA!

Whiny voice with girly accent- So, um, like, anyway we have to end this, um, episode.

Audience- Ek. We should have never come.

Whiny voice with girly accent- So, uh, yeah. Bye!

(Percy's head appears on a hypnosis swirling circle, smiling happily)


End file.
